just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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