covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
