I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
