Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
