so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
