Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
