why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
