Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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