12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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