just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
