matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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