Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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