Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
