I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
