I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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