just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
As shirtless as possible
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
