I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
