Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just pee around me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
