You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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