I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
