The maid of honor just puked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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