We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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