he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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