Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
