I think I died a long time ago.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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