$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
