she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
