I want to make a zoo with you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
