I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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