Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
