i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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