I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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