Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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