You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
