dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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