Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
