if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
