it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
