Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
