I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
