dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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