How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
