If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
