hell yes lets make some ravioli
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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