I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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