I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
