I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
