if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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