i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is classic penis vs brain.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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