please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
