Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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