It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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