you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
