Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
