I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
