All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
