Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
