Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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