So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
