I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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