who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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