As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
