I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
